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WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS! Police in Oakland, California
spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded
himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters,
officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting
out to give himself up.

WHAT WAS PLAN B??? An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun,
kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different
automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw
money from his own bank account.

SOME DAYS, IT JUST DOESN'T PAY! Fire investigators on Maui have
determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last
month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention
alarm system. "This is even worse than last year," said the
distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new
security system..."

THE GETAWAY! A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop and asked
for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too
small so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself
for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.

DID I SAY THAT??? Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a
robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup.
When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words,
"Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "That's not
what I said!"

OUCH, THAT SMARTS!! A bank robber in Virginia Beach got a nasty
surprise when a dye pack designed to mark stolen money exploded in
his Fruit-of-the-Looms. The robber apparently stuffed the loot down
the front of his pants as he was running out the door. "He was seen
hopping and jumping around with an explosion taking place inside his
pants," said police spokesman Mike Carey. Police have the man's
charred trousers in custody.

ARE WE COMMUNICATING?? A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My
wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No, you idiot!" the
man shouted, "this is her husband!"

NOT THE SHARPEST KNIFE IN THE DRAWER!! In Modesto, CA, Steven
Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America
branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate
a gun but unfortunately he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.